my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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