oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry about my life...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
