You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
