Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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