Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
