living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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