I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
