Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
