so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
