u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
