Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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