somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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