his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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