These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
