a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
