I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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