You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
