I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
