Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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