I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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