I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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