i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
