This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
