this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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