it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
