Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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