hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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