Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
