Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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