Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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