I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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