Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
