Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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