I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
