How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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