I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
