Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
