Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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