Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
