Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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