smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
