Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
