I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
