I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
