I will die if light touches me.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
