Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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