I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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