3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am puke
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
