Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
