Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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