Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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