i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
